I'm done with truthbox i guess.

I don't know why but i guess somehow me being on truthbox pissed some fat ugly cunt faced hag off. I posted like 2 secrets today too.
I posted one about Chloe and one about the Clan of sluts. But somehow me just being on truthbox is wrong.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Why don't people like me?
What is it about me that makes people hate me to the fucking core?
And then The faggot made two hate posts about me.
Krissy commented on one.
She said nothing about the fact that she is to blame for fucking everything.
She was the one that bumped my old secrets.
SHE made everyone hate me.
So why don't people hate HER.
Why is it me?
Why is it so easy for people to hate me?
I didn't do anything to them!
I had never even talked to this girl.
I wanted to fucking kill myself.
Do you know what it's like to get people telling you they wished that you would die several times a day?
No.
And they somehow think they are being original by this.
People hate me.
I get that.
I know its life, not everybody will love me.
But for people to want me to die.....
I don't know.
It made me feel like shit.
I hate crying.
I HATE it.
but it made me cry.
And i might be a complete loser for saying that but its the truth.
So apparently i do have emotions.
I don't care if people make hate posts.
I really don't.
Its whatever.
But completely random people that i have never even seen before saying they hate me and that I'm a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK.

I probably post more actual secrets than anyone else on there.

But apparently I am whining about my life.
That's fucking retarded.
Its FUCKING SECRETS.
I WROTE MY FUCKING SECRETS.
S-E-C-R-E-T-S
Shes an absolute moron for saying that i am whining.
I wish her excruciating death.
I do.
I have a reason to hate her.
And i do.

If that makes me a horrible person i don't give a fuck.

THAT
IS
LIFE.

and for now I am still alive.
key words- for now.


xxx

Has something ever happened to you that you felt would haunt you forever?

Like no matter what you do it will always be in the back of everyone’s mind.
People will never let it go.
It will always be another thing for people to hate me for.
No matter how many times I apologize they will still use it against me.
No matter what I say, it’s my fault.

I get it , you don’t like me.
A lot of people don’t.
Join the club.
But using something as ridiculous and pointless as this is just being ignorant.
So get over it.
It wasn’t my fault.
I wish it never happened.
Sometimes I wish I would have never happened.
But once in a while it would be nice for everyone to give me a fucking break.
I’m only human, I make mistakes.
Things happen that I can’t explain and I fuck up.

But every once in a while I just want that to be ok and it be insignificant.
And me making mistakes doesn’t matter as much as I try to be perfect.
I really try and I try to have people like me.
But most people make that impossible for me.
If you don’t like me that’s ok.
You are free to have your own opinion.
Just know that the things you say may effect someone’s life.
Drastically.

I honestly don’t know if I care anymore,
If I care bout anything.

What people think.
If I am up to your standards.
Nothing seems to matter.

What is there to lose?
Really.
What is there to lose?

Absolutely nothing.

Take every opportunity you have because everything could change so drastically in the blink of an eye and you don’t want to be fucked wondering ‘what if…?’

Wouldn’t that suck?
To know you could have had something or someone and not because what? You were too scared? There is no good reason to say no.

Don’t pass up things.
Good things will come to you if you let them.
But if you sit there and hate the world and live in your own pity nothing will seem good.

You have to let yourself be happy.
You can’t just feel sorry for yourself and be shy.
You have to get out there and learn to love yourself.
Because nothing is unreachable.

I’m being a complete hypocrite by writing this.

I’m still not where I would like to be.
But I am getting better.
I am learning that I’m going to fuck up and I’m going to make mistakes.
No one expects me to be perfect except myself.

I need to learn that not everything is going to be perfect.
Some things will be hard and tough to get through.
But I will get through them.
I will not let myself get so bad that I end every thing.
I wont.
I promise myself that.
I need to know that there are people who love me.
And that killing myself would be a huge mistake.
And I need to know that I need to at least try to help myself.
Try to help myself get better because its not gonna happen by itself.

And one day, I will love myself.
I will be okay with myself.
I will make mistakes and not punish myself for them.
I will learn that even if something doesn’t happen the way it’s planned that it will be ok and I will be fine and I will get through it.
It’s not the end of the world.
And it will get better.

I'm so fed up and tired with my life right now.

I let every little thing effect me so deeply.
Tiny unimportant insignificant things cut me from the inside out and I think that one day I am just going to snap and end up ending my life.

I'm only 15 years old, i shouldn't have to deal with all this pressure.
This shouldn't be on me.

I take other people's problems and I am afraid to say no.

I'm pretty, I know but in the back of my mind I am the ugliest person in existence.

I can't tell anyone my secrets, even if i post them on here anonymously people still know its me.
I keep everything inside of me and then everything eats up at me until i just explode.
I can be perfectly happy one minute and throwing stuff and punching myself the net.

I have something wrong with me and i know this.
The doctors cant figure it out though.
Again with all this pressure. My parents and sister dont seem to understand me.
They say things that hurt me and sometimes i dont even know that they do.
I want to keep some things private and with them its practically impossible.
So what do I do?
I make another myspace and post secrets on here anonymously so no one knows its me.

But the way i type, the way i can hear my voice in my head when i type makes me think everyone knows it me.

Its me.
You all probably know me.
I'm on here a lot.

This account, this entire myspace is just so i can post actual secrets on here.
Because somethings i just need to type or write down or do something with.
I cant hold onto things forever.
I am only human.
A human that most of the time has feelings and emotions and opinions about things.
I cant be strong for every single fucking person in this world.
I am just one person.

One small insignificant teenage girl that cant make a difference no matter what i do.

I try so hard to be the person people think i am.
the person i created myself to be.
but all that ever happens is it backfires.
I'm back to the same person, i have flaws.
I know this.
But you don't need to point out every single thing about me you dont like.
I try to be happy, i try to be optimistic but thats just not me.

I have one good day and it is ruined by something that happened on the internet.
It always brings me down a bit.
Seeing that someone absolutely hates me for no reason, or for a reason which is un-true.
I am only one person I can't please everyone.
I cant be everyones friend.
I have tried trust me.
I have tried.

but I can't.
I need to be me, and i need to say what i feel.
I cant let people walk all over me.
I have enough self respect.